Disagreements are a part of any relationship, whether it’s a romantic, professional, or friendly relationship.
Every person that you come across has different values, opinions,and past experiences that they bring to the table.
Therefore, there can be many reasons for a conflict to arise in your relationships. But the way you handle those conflicts is what matters the most.
- Where conflicts can knock you down and your relations, Conflicts can also lead to improving your relations if properly steered.
- One of the simplest things to resolve any conflict that does wonders is listening, try it.
- Counseling is also best to go for, take a third party( a trusted person) to discuss your issue.
Here are some of the pointers on how to save your relationships effectively.
1. Frame the issue in a constructive way in your head before you have the conversation.
This can be moments before, or days before you fall into an argument. Keep your calm and think about the issue, you may also understand the other person’s point of view. However, there are different situations that can upset you.
Change your mind frame: For example, if your partner/friend teases you in front of his or her friends and it’s embarrassing to you or makes you feel bad about yourself. Don’t show them that you’re angry or an easy target, instead if you are indifferent towards their teasing, that will make them feel not much fun about you, and they will leave you alone.
Give them a one liner: Feeling exasperated and finding yourself engaged in an argument can be of no use when you also want to save your relationship. One of the techniques is when they are done teasing you just give them a one liner and walk away from the scene.
For example try this:
- Thanks for letting me know
- Oh, I thought I was really cool
- Use a humor response
- Control your emotions and keep your cool
- Keep an honest tone of voice not angry or sarcastic
A smart and clever response will weaken the consequences of mean behavior and personal attacks are likely to diminish right there and then.
Using these cool responses will not only weaken the effects of the teasing attitude but the other person may also feel bad about their own behavior and may not want to do it again.
2. Don’t assume THEY know what YOU’RE thinking.
If someone tells you they don’t have conflicts with their partner they are either lying or not having a healthy relationship.
Conflict is a normal part of life but if they are mismanaged can destroy relations.
Many times we only assume things when they don’t actually exist.
Especially dont assume that the other person knows what you’re thinking. Whereas the other person may not even have any intentions to tease you in a negative way.
Since most of us are teased by our loved ones because they like us.
You’ll be surprised to know that they are not thinking the thoughts that you have chalked up in your mind.
Feel free to share your thoughts, opinions and feelings in a healthy way. The other person will have the opportunity to understand you more.
You will also feel light at heart plus you will have an opportunity to understand their prespective.
Thus this will increase your mutual understanding, build trust, and strengthen your relationship.
3. Don’t Assume YOU Know What THEY’RE Thinking.
I like to think of myself as intuitive and very good at reading people. This often gets me into trouble when I argue because I assume, without asking the other person, that they are thinking or feeling a certain way.
Always ask for the other person’s perspective even if you are POSITIVE in your own mind that they are feeling a certain way.
And when you express your feelings, let them respond without interruption…
4. Listen to Listen, Not to Respond.
How funny it is that some people will listen to the other person very attentively just to pick up points to counter-argue.
Conflict activates strong emotions that can result in disappointments, hurt feelings, resentment, discomfort and breakups.
This will make it hard to communicate. This is where we need an active listening strategy.
Listening will do this:
- Diminish the pressure of high emotions.
- Calms down the other person.
- Give time to the speaker to organize their thoughts
- Show respect to the morals and feelings.
- Give listen the opportunity to understand the issue.
- Listening without judgment.
It’s really hard to maintain composure and continue to listen without judgment – trust me I still struggle with this! So grab some patience and just listen.
On the other hand when you interrupt the other person while they are speaking, you’re doing several things like:
- You block your mind from understanding how they feel.
- Not understanding their perspective.
- Jumping on the conclusion without full information.
- Make them feel discomfortable, unimportant and invalidated.
If you’re having a really difficult time letting something go without interrupting, just tell yourself something like this:
“I can come back to that point when it’s my turn to respond, right now I have to hear her out so that I understand her perspective.”
It’s hard for people to express their innermost thoughts and feelings out loud, so if you interrupt or attack them mid-sentence, they’re going to shut down.
And be less likely to open up in the future.
5. Be Vulnerable.
Winning arguments only gets you so far in life.
If you want to have good relationships with the people around you, you have to be willing to be a little vulnerable.
Without being vulnerable, you cannot expect the other person to fully understand you or know what you want from them.
It’s absolutely natural to protect yourself and your emotions. Expressing yourself with someone without fear of rejection or judgment is difficult.
But I promise you, you will feel much more satisfaction in your relationships. It will foster empathy and build stronger relations.
Your friends/family/partner will understand you much better if you’re willing to share.
6. Be Humble.
Humility is one of the most fundamental values of humanity. Want to manage and prevent conflicts then practice humility.
Conversations carried out with respect and humility is an essential part of conflict resolution. .
Remember that conflict will happen , and conflict is inevitable but it does not at all has to be unhealthy.
In Fact when you devoted to act with humility with the other person, the argument between you two can be different and healthy.
There’s nothing more I respect in a person than her willingness to admit when she/he is wrong or to acknowledge their mistake.
Personally I found that I feel a lot better about myself as well when I admit to someone that I was wrong or mistaken.
Admitting you’re wrong not only creates comfort for the person you’re in a relationship with, but it bolsters your credibility in general.
When you don’t hessitate to admit when you’re wrong, it increases others’ reliability on your opinions in future arguments. They will be more inclined to think your position is valid or right.
For example, they may think “I trust this person to admit when he’s wrong, so I also trust that his argument on this point is legitimate.”
Effective communication is the key to any healthy relationship, especially in times of conflict.If you can perfect the art of listening and responding in a respectful way, your relationships will thrive.
If you’re having a relationship problem and need help , call +923114482787, or visit www.tahirarubabhafeez.com to chat online for support 24/7. Always remember you are not alone!
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About the Author
Ms Tahira Rubab is an internationally authorized and certified Clinical psychologist. she is known as Clinical psychologist, sex therapist, motivational speaker, capacity building Trainer, and tv analyst.Feel free to contact and book appointment 03114482787.