Why do men face premature ejaculaton and how to get rid of this?
Question by Mr. Anonymous
I’ve been married to my wife for nearly twenty years now. For many years, I’ve been affected by premature ejaculation .
Over the last two years, however, our relationship has really soured due to this. I feel highly pressurised when having sex then frustrated once I can’t deliver.
My wife and I have recently talked about this. She’s happy to continue this way, but I’m not. To complicate matters, I met somebody else a couple of months ago and I’m experiencing things I never knew possible. I’m keen to try to do the proper thing all round, but scared about leaving. I’m unsure what to factor into my decision-making and that I don’t want to form an enormous mistake.
Tahira Rubab Says
I completely understand your confusion. So often, long-term problems with sex cascade beyond the bedroom and flavour the entire relationship. I appreciate the many responsibilities you carry, but life together with your wife has become centered around some key issues that I think neither of you’ll mention very easily.
Now you’ve met somebody else who is making you feel wonderful, so it’s no wonder you’re thinking of leaving.But let’s return to basics and take one point at a time.
I can’t stress enough that a premature ejaculation (PE) is for several men (and usually their partners). There are many factors which will contribute to the severity of the matter , but the specialized news is that this particular sexual difficulty does respond alright to sex therapy.
However, you don’t actually mention whether you’ve ever sought professional help or taken advice from somewhere. As a sex therapist, i do know and completely understand that a lot of men find it really difficult to get help for problems like this, because they assume that somehow their body part should just ‘work’ and sometimes , the shame and embarrassment they feel when this doesn’t happen reinforces the sense of loss and failure.
I don’t know if you’re really saying that if the PE went away, the connection together with your wife would improve to the purpose where it’d feel worthwhile for you to remain within the marriage.
It seems like your relationship together with your wife has been reduced to an endless cycle of managing the youngsters and life generally .
I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that this too, may be a quite common relationship problem. Life just takes over, leaving no time for the couple to develop and maintain either emotional or sexual intimacy.
Relation with your partner may be the problem
Sometimes, sexual problems are partner-specific, thanks to problems within the relationship. It’s helpful to believe whether the sexual problem drives your relationship issues or is it actually the opposite way round?
From what you say, it seems like your wife can accept things muddling along as they need been. I’d be very interested to urge her combat what sex in your relationship means to her, because another quite common outcome from sexual problems like PE is that the entire focus of any intimate activity rests on ‘getting the work done’ and doesn’t involve any sensuality.
I’m wondering whether that’s because she really is happy enough to hold on like this or if she’s just given up all hope that things could be any different. Either way, hearing that response from her can’t have helped how you are feeling about yourself and your relationship.
Now you’ve met somebody else . Unsurprisingly, being together with her helps you to forget how miserable and unfulfilled you are feeling in your marriage. This is often only too common.
But you don’t tell me if you’re having sex together with your new partner – if you’re , has the difficulty with PE changed at all?
Often in situations like this, people get scared about initiating sex with a replacement partner just in case it all goes wrong. It’s really quite common to listen to people talking about wanting to keep everything ‘perfect’ and avoid any activity which may bring it all crashing down.
I think you’re right to think about the broader picture. i feel a part of your confusion is connected with what proportion ‘right’ you’ve got to be happy if your decisions might adversely affect others.
During this case, I’d urge you to seek counseling. This would offer you the chance to think everything through with someone who has no agenda, aside from supporting you to succeed in the choices that feel right for you – whatever they’ll be.
You’ll want to speak about this. I also think that if possible, couple counseling (with your wife) might be very beneficial. it might offer you the prospect to figure out what you both want and potentially assist you re-evaluate if your couple relationship is viable.
I imagine you’re groaning immediately because I’m not suggesting you allow your marriage to pursue a replacement relationship. But at the instant , this new relationship offers you a shake being together with your wife – with whom you clearly feel you’ve lost connection.
Perhaps she feels an equivalent , but believes it’s easier to hold on ‘as normal’ instead of break up . Understandably, you’re probably not feeling this and it contributes to the allure of the new person in your life.
Before you create a choice to go away , I’d wish to think that the majority people would have considered every possibility before calling it each day
So I’d suggest you are doing just that, preferably together with your wife, because with the proper help and support, you would possibly surprise yourselves with what you discover is feasible .
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About the Author
Tahira Rubab a Relationship Counsellor and Sex Therapist .If you’ve got a relationship worry you’d like some help with, please call us at 0311 4482787