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How to Understand and Build Intimacy in Every Relationship| Tahira Rubab

What is intimacy? Intimacy is closeness between people in personal relationships. It’s what builds over time as you connect with someone, grow to care about each other, and feel more and more comfortable during your time together. It can include physical or emotional closeness, or even a mix of the two. You’ve probably heard of intimacy in the context of sex and romance.For example, people sometimes use the term “being intimate” to mean sexual activity.But intimacy isn’t another word for sex. Sex with a partner can build intimacy, but it’s far from the only indicator of intimacy.It’s possible to have sex without intimacy as well as intimacy without sex. Different types of intimacy Intimacy falls into several different categories, including: Emotional Emotional intimacy is what allows you to tell your loved ones personal things that you might not necessarily share with strangers. This is what it means to have emotional intimacy. Intellectual Intellectual intimacy involves getting to know how another person’s mind works and sharing the map to your mind too. It builds as you exchange ideas and have meaningful conversations. Physical Physical intimacy is about touch and closeness between bodies. In a romantic relationship, it might include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and sex.Your relationship doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic to have physical intimacy.  A warm, tight hug is an example of physical intimacy with a friend. Experiential You build experiential intimacy by spending quality time with someone and growing closer over common interests and activities. Spiritual Spirituality means different things to different people, so spiritual intimacy can vary too.Generally speaking, spirituality is about belief in something beyond the physical realm of existence. Factors within any intimate relationship All intimacy comes down to a few key factors, including: Trust In order to share personal parts of yourself — like your most embarrassing secrets or your deepest fears — you have to be able to trust them. Showing another person that you’re trustworthy can help them feel closer to you too. Acceptance You know you’ve established some intimacy when you feel like a person accepts you for who you truly are. When you first meet someone, you might worry that they’ll hear your “guilty pleasure” music playlist and think you’re weird. But as intimacy grows, you can rock out to your favorite boy bands and trust that no matter how weird you get, you’ll still be accepted and cared for. Honesty Honesty and intimacy feed one other. You often can’t have one without the other. You feel comfortable telling your partner exactly how you feel in part because you’ve become so close to each other. And in the same vein, every time you open up, you can grow a little bit closer. You’ll know your partner is willing to listen the next time you want to share something personal. Safety Sharing your deepest, truest self with another person can put you in a pretty vulnerable position. That’s why you tend to have your guard up when you meet someone new. You don’t yet know if they’ll support you as you are. So, intimacy means feeling safe enough to take the risk of putting yourself out there, knowing the other person cares enough not to let you down. Compassion Feeling cared about is a lovely feeling, isn’t it? Forgiveness and understanding can only exist with compassion between people.  Compassion is a natural component of caring about one another’s well-being. Affection Caring about each other is one thing, but you also build intimacy by showing that you care. Affection can be physical, like a kiss between lovers or a hug between a parent and child, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes affection is in the unspoken ways you show up for each other, like when your friend spends their day off helping you move simply because they care. Communication There’s a reason why good communication is so often named as the key to a healthy relationship. When you make an effort to listen to someone and tell them how you really feel, you can build a deep understanding for each other. And the more you understand each other, the closer you become. How to nurture intimacy in any relationship It’s normal for relationships to feel stagnant over time as life gets in the way and you settle into a routine that’s not as adventurous as when you first met. Here are some ideas for sparking or reigniting intimacy in any relationship. Make it a point to show your appreciation Take time to tell the other person what you appreciate about them. Show your gratitude, which can take the form of gifts, favors, or a simple “thank you.” Make an effort to learn about each other Once you’ve known someone for a long time, it can feel like the “mystery” is gone. But people and relationships grow and change over time. There’s always more to learn. Swap stories, ask questions, and play games like “20 Questions” to keep gathering new information. The key to this is listening so you can build a real understanding of what the other person cares about and why. Set aside time for each other If you’re not paying attention, it’s easy for time to fly by without sharing quality time. So make it a priority! Plan a weekly date night, a monthly board game night, or a nightly moment to check in one-on-one before bedtime, away from the kids or other responsibilities. Unplug and focus on each other Spending time together without electronics can give you a chance to give each other some undivided attention. Show physical affection  If you have a sexual relationship, then mixing things up with new toys, outfits, and fantasies can keep things from getting dull. But you can also build intimacy by making it a point to show physical affection without sex. With warm gestures and cuddles, you can remember that joining your bodies together is about more than just “getting off.” Do Something together Restore a piece of furniture, learn a

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Different Ways to Resolve Conflict in Your Relationship Without Getting Emotional | Tahir Rubab

Disagreements are a part of any relationship, whether it’s a romantic, professional, or friendly relationship. Every person that you come across has different values, opinions,and past experiences that they bring to the table. Therefore, there can be many reasons for a conflict to arise in your relationships. But the way you handle those conflicts is what matters the most.  Core points:  Where conflicts can knock you down and your relations, Conflicts can also lead to improving your relations if properly steered. One of the simplest things to resolve any conflict that does wonders is listening, try it.  Counseling is also best to go for, take a third party( a trusted person) to discuss your issue.    Here are some of the pointers on how to save your relationships effectively. 1. Frame the issue in a constructive way in your head before you have the conversation. This can be moments before, or days before you fall into an argument. Keep your calm and think about the issue, you may also understand the other person’s point of view. However, there are different situations that can upset you. Change your mind frame: For example, if your partner/friend teases you in front of his or her friends and it’s embarrassing to you or makes you feel bad about yourself. Don’t show them that you’re angry or an easy target, instead if you are indifferent towards their teasing, that will make them feel not much fun about you, and they will leave you alone. Give them a one liner: Feeling exasperated and finding yourself engaged in an argument can be of no use when you also want to save your relationship. One of the techniques is when they are done teasing you just give them a one liner and walk away from the scene.  For example try this: Thanks for letting me know Oh, I thought I was really cool Use a humor response  Control your emotions and keep your cool Keep an honest tone of voice not angry or sarcastic A smart and clever response will weaken the consequences of mean behavior and personal attacks are likely to diminish right there and then.  Using these cool responses will not only weaken the effects of the teasing attitude but the other person may also feel bad about their own behavior and may not want to do it again. 2. Don’t assume THEY know what YOU’RE thinking. If someone tells you they don’t have conflicts with their partner they are either lying or not having a healthy relationship. Conflict is a normal part of life but if they are mismanaged can destroy relations.  Many times we only assume things when they don’t actually exist.  Especially dont assume that the other person knows what you’re thinking. Whereas the other person may not even have any intentions to tease you in a negative way.  Since most of us are teased by our loved ones because they like us.  You’ll be surprised to know that they are not thinking the thoughts that you have chalked up in your mind.  Feel free to share your thoughts, opinions and feelings in a healthy way. The other person will have the opportunity to understand you more.  You will also feel light at heart plus you will have an opportunity to understand their prespective. Thus this will increase your mutual understanding, build trust, and strengthen your relationship.  3. Don’t Assume YOU Know What THEY’RE Thinking. I like to think of myself as intuitive and very good at reading people. This often gets me into trouble when I argue because I assume, without asking the other person, that they are thinking or feeling a certain way. Always ask for the other person’s perspective even if you are POSITIVE in your own mind that they are feeling a certain way. And when you express your feelings, let them respond without interruption… 4. Listen to Listen, Not to Respond. How funny it is that some people will listen to the other person very attentively just to pick up points to counter-argue.  Conflict activates strong emotions that can result in disappointments, hurt feelings, resentment, discomfort and breakups.  This will make it hard to communicate. This is where we need an active listening strategy. Listening will do this: Diminish the pressure of high emotions. Calms down the other person. Give time to the speaker to organize their thoughts Show respect to the morals and feelings. Give listen the opportunity to understand the issue.  Listening without judgment. It’s really hard to maintain composure and continue to listen without judgment – trust me I still struggle with this! So grab some patience and just listen. On the other hand when you interrupt the other person while they are speaking, you’re doing several things like:  You block your mind from understanding how they feel. Not understanding their perspective. Jumping on the conclusion without full information. Make them feel discomfortable, unimportant and invalidated. If you’re having a really difficult time letting something go without interrupting, just tell yourself something like this: “I can come back to that point when it’s my turn to respond, right now I have to hear her out so that I understand her perspective.” It’s hard for people to express their innermost thoughts and feelings out loud, so if you interrupt or attack them mid-sentence, they’re going to shut down. And be less likely to open up in the future.  5. Be Vulnerable. Winning arguments only gets you so far in life. If you want to have good relationships with the people around you, you have to be willing to be a little vulnerable. Without being vulnerable, you cannot expect the other person to fully understand you or know what you want from them.   It’s absolutely natural to protect yourself and your emotions. Expressing yourself with someone without fear of rejection or judgment is difficult. But I promise you, you will feel much more satisfaction in your relationships. It will foster empathy and build stronger relations. Your friends/family/partner

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How Pornography Affects your brain and body | Tahira Rubab

According to the data released by Google, Pakistan tops the list of most porn-searching countries. One of the major problems is that many people have become addicted to watching porn which has a deep impact not only on the body but also the mind. In this post i will discuss the affect of pornography on your brain and body and how to overcome the habit of pornography. How Pornography become Addiction  To start, let’s just state plainly that sexual activity produces large amounts of dopamine. Our bodies are simply wired that way. Sex, masturbation and viewing pornography will ALL cause our brains to produce dopamine, and ultimately crave more of it. We can become addicted to pornography for precisely that reason. Regular use of pornography will eventually lead to a craving for the dopamine that comes from using it. The real issue with pornography and dopamine is that pornography is so accessible thanks to the internet.  Pornography and Coolidge Effect  Porography leads to sexual violenace and adultry and distrub the sexual relationship with your spouse. To understand this we must consider the Coolidge Effect, which states that over time, sexual desire will decrease with a single mate and increase with a new one.  According to this theory, sexual desire increases from a “newness” factor. Now, bring pornography into the equation. We have an affinity to want “new” things because they produce more dopamine–more excitement–and with pornography the options for new people is endless. In doing that, we train our bodies to become dependent upon finding a new, exciting “mate” that will meet or exceed our current expectation in order to have the dopamine released. It is no longer enough to simply have sex or be committed to a single woman when pornography is viewed in excess. It creates a relationship where the only thing arousing is novelty. This can then create an issue when an individual attempts to stop watching porn. Porn withdrawal is a real issue and can cause major fluctuations in one’s behavior. Pornography and Erectile dysfunction ( Effect of Body) This is why many pornography addicts experience porn-induced erectile dysfunction and why many men desire to have more sex but are not aroused by their spouse. They have trained their body to be more aroused by an image than a person because the “novelty” image will lead to an increased dopamine response compared to the alternative. Pornography literally changes our brain to desire more pornography, just like drinking soda will make you want more soda, or that having candy will make you want more candy. Our brains become “wired” to have pornography and to seek it out. How to get rid of the habit of Pornography  In conclusion, knowing that your impulse to view pornography has a strong tie to the way your brain is wired will help with the recovery process. Quitting pornography isn’t just about abstaining from it, but is about rewiring your brain to stop craving those dopamine hits. To get there we need to view our recovery like a health challenge. Simply eating a healthy diet for six weeks doesn’t make you healthy just like abstaining from pornography for six weeks doesn’t make you recovered. Rebooting your brain will take time and dedication to restore your life to a state where pornography isn’t a part of it anymore. A good first step is stopping the habit, but fixing the issue will take time. If you are addicted to pornography and faceing chanlleneg to overcome on this habit. Don’t feel shy. Call +923111714470, or visit www.tahirarubabhafeez.com to chat online for support 24/7. Always remember you are not alone! Watch this video to know more tips.  About the Author  Ms Tahira Rubab is an internationally authorized and certified Clinical psychologist. she is known as Clinical psychologist, sex therapist, motivational speaker, capacity building Trainer, and tv analyst.Feel free to contact and book appointment 03114482787

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ten tips to improve your mental Health

10 Tips to Improve Your Mental Health Right Now|Tahira Rubab

Are you feeling stressed, depressed, Anxious or flooded with thoughts, and don’t know what to do ?That’s an everyday struggle with most of the people on this planet. Struggling with mental health can have such a huge impact on your daily life. It makes it really hard to achieve the goals of your life as you’re hit by doubts about your own desires and targets. In this blog I will share 10 tips with you that you can implement instantly and improve your mental health: 1. Write Down Everything You Think Is Going Wrong Take a pen and paper and do a “brain dump” of your feelings. Write down all of the things that are overwhelming, troubling, or stressing you out. Keep writing until you can’t think of anything more to write. The act of physically writing down your thoughts does several things: It helps you prioritize your concerns, worries and fears. Therefore, your brain gets a message that actually some things need not to worry about. You no longer have to panic about these things. . It relieves your mind of the burden of these thoughts because now you can see through things more clearly. 2. Go Outside It’s also scientifically proven that Fresh air or being outdoors can significantly change and improve your mood. Finding somewhere green to go, or on a hike, or just taking a short walk on your lunch break at work are a few simple ways to boost up your mood. 3. Declutter Your Environment Whether it’s your desk at work, the car you’re driving, or your bedroom decluttering your environment is a good place to start. Studies have also shown that clutter raises your stress levels and makes you feel depressed and unhappy. In my experience I never realized how litter is affecting me until I cleaned up the area around me. After clearing unnecessary stuff I always feel much better when I have more space around me.. 4. Stay Away From Negative Media If you’re feeling anxious or depressed don’t watch or read things that make it worse. I love watching and reading psychological thrillers, but I also know they’re very heavy and take a toll on my peace and mental comfort. Even though they’re entertaining, I try to avoid them especially when I’m already fearful or sad because they add fuel to my gloominess and make it harder to get out of a bad spot. Hence, stay away from super sad or potentially upsetting movies, tv, books, or music. Take a break from social media (unless you’re using it to look up for positive quotes). Don’t turn on the news. You can catch up on things tomorrow. Relax! 5. Spend Time With a Pet or Child Thinking too much about the past or being anxious about the future is also what makes your mental health suffer to a very large extent. See an example of animals and kids, they are always living in the present moment, how happy and carefree they are, of course they worry less. Be more like a child. Spending time with your pet and kids makes you feel bright, isn’t it? 6. Call a Family Member or Friend It’s really easy to isolate yourself when you’re struggling with your mental health. Try to reach out to a close friend or family member at such a time. Even if you don’t talk about what you’re going through, social interaction is helpful when you’re feeling downhearted. 7. Practice Gratitude Saying thanks to someone, helping someone, expressing gratitude for nature or more positive things around you are just some simple ways that will make you feel happy. It’s harder to maintain a negative mental state when you’re sharing and feeling positive emotions. Instead you build strong relationships and improve your mental health. 8. Stay Away From Alcohol, Caffeine or Other Mood-Altering Substances A healthy sleep comes to your mind when you talk about alcohol and caffeine and their effects on mental health. That in itself is a long topic to cover. Alcohol is known to increase your stress and stress is known to increase the risk of alcohol. Better not go near alcohol during the times of depression. Having a cup or two of coffee in the morning or afternoon is normal but over-caffeinating is likely to make things worse. If you’re anxious, caffeine (a stimulant) will ramp up your anxiety tenfold. While substance use may provide a temporary escape, you will feel significantly worse mentally coming down from the high (figurative or literal). 9. Take Care of Your Appearance When you’re in a bad mental state, often the first thing to go out the window is hygiene. If you haven’t yet, brush your teeth, take a shower, and brush your hair, go for it now! Taking it a step further, do something that makes you feel good about your appearance. It could be doing your hair, getting a new haircut, changing hair color /or makeup, or putting on a nice outfit. Even though your outward appearance isn’t the most important thing about you, cleaning up and dressing up will give you more confidence and help you feel better on the inside. 10. Engage in a Comforting Hobby People who participate in some kind activities/hobbies are likely to suffer less from low moods, stress, or stagnation. Many people engage themselves in physical exercise, athletics, creative endeavors like painting, or academic hobbies etc. These activities are not only amusing but also good for your physical and mental health. You are more likely to stay away from meaningless thoughts and feelings. Anything that makes you feel more relaxed and comfortable without any harmful or negative side effects. If you’re in a really dark place or things feel like they’re getting out of control, call +923111714470, or visit www.tahirarubabhafeez.com to chat online for support 24/7. Always remember you are not alone!   Watch this video to know more tips. [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzEuHmHBqEM[/embedyt] About the Author Ms Tahira Rubab is an internationally authorized and

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